Transparency Time!™

Okay, so, I'm posting this in case you all aren't privy to the fancy-dancy emails we get from time to time that send us creators into a stupid tizzy.

Except this time I'm just so used to it that I honestly can't bring myself to give a fuck.

This is the future enshittification wants.

Apps are a fucking scam. They're a stupid, complicated wrapper designed to force you to pay more for fewer functions than you'd have if you just use the site. If I could find the transcript from Cory Doctorow's Def Con keynote from this year I'd link it because I think it's a much-needed counter to this app bullshit that a lot of people really need to see.

Anyway, the email in question:

"Hey,

Apple is requiring that Patreon use their in-app purchasing system and remove all other billing systems from the Patreon iOS app by November 2024. This means that starting in November, new memberships purchased in the iOS app will be subject to Apple's 30% App Store fee.

First, we want to be clear about one thing: this will not impact your existing memberships at all. Apple's App Store fee only applies to new memberships purchased in the iOS app beginning in November 2024.

You will have full control over how Apple's fee is applied. You can either maintain your earnings by setting a higher price for new memberships in the iOS app (default) or absorb the App Store fee yourself (not recommended). You can control how Apple's fee is applied in your settings.

You don't need to take any action to continue earning in the iOS app. By default, if you don't do anything, your tier prices displayed in the iOS app will automatically increase to offset the Apple App Store fee. Your prices on the web and the Android app will not be affected.

We know how much you depend on Patreon, and understand how disruptive this change is. We're working to find every possible way to give you the control and stability you deserve throughout this change. ‌

For more information, read our full announcement, read the FAQ, or join us for a Q&A in Discord from August 12 - August 16. 

- The Patreon team"

To reiterate: Current subs are not affected. Presently. And there's no way I'm going to throw myself on the fucking pike for Apple. So if you want to sub at the price I currently charge without all the bullshit 30% appstore overhead, please avail yourself of the actual website, in an actual web browser. You know, on the web.

Because apps are trash.

Sorry for being so curt about this but I'm sick to death of waking up on Monday only to have one of the platforms I depend on decide to try and spinkick me in the head first thing.

Actual picture of me opening my inbox to see Patreon BS:

Beanie, overseeing the jobsite and making sure I don't spend forever posting bullshit:

Cheers, nerds. I hope your current Monday is 1000% less dreadful than the even the best of Mondays past.